Srimati Radharani's Moods in Separation, Part 1

Ramananda Raya asked, “What will be the result by chanting this harinama.” Srimati Radharani is feeling great pain in Her heart. The sakhis are chanting Krsna’s names, but Radharani’s pain only increased. She could no longer tolerate Her pain. How could She explain the pain in Her heart? Therefore, Lalita Devi sent a letter to Krsna. What did Radharani write in the letter?

dhari-a padicchanda-gunam sundara maha mandire tumam vasasi taha taha rundhasi bali-am jaha jaha ca-ida palaemhi

Caitanya-caritamrita Antya 1.144

["O dearly beautiful, the artistic loveliness of Your picture is now impressed within My mind. Since You are now living within My mind, wherever I wish to run because I am agitated by impressions of You, I find that You, O My friend, are blocking My way."] What did Radharani write? She said, “O Sundara (beautiful One), My heart breaks on seeing a picture of You anywhere. My heart goes there and I can’t bring it back. I try catching You, but You run away. I return on not being able to catch You. But as I return, You stalk Me from behind. How can I control My mind? You hide when I run behind You. Yet, You stalk Me from behind as I return. Because of You residing in My heart, I feel I am burning from within. This fire cannot be cooled. How can I take You out of My heart? It is not possible. If You know of any process, then teach Me that process. I will be very happy and pleased by taking You out of My heart. But I find it impossible to take You out of My heart. I feel more pain on trying to take You out of My heart. My heart feels greatly pained. What can I do? I can’t understand.” Therefore, it is said:

iyam sakhi suduhsadhya radha hrdaya-vedana krta yatra cikitsapi kutsayam paryavasyati

Caitanya-caritamrita Antya 1.143

["My dear friend, these palpitations of Srimati Radharani's heart are extremely difficult to cure. Even if one applied some medical treatment, it would only end in defamation."] A sakhi said, “O sakhi, there is no medicine to alleviate the pain in Radharani’s heart. What treatment should be given? When She hears Krsna’s names, Her pain is aggravated. Radharani feels greatly pained even if we are silent and don’t chant Krsna’s names. There is no treatment for this pain. Will She feel any relief in Krsna’s presence? No. What should we do? Radharani’s pain will not go away even if Krsna is at a distance. This is also a problem.” Rupa Gosvami wrote everything i.e. he has described all of Radharani’s special moods and tendencies. Raya Ramananda Prabhu then requested Rupa Gosvami to continue explaining Radharani’s moods. When Mahaprabhu heard Rupa Gosvami speak, He thought, “Oh Srimati Radharani’s heart has this pain? These moods appear like one wave after another in Her heart.”

agre viksya sikhanda-khandam acirad utkampam alambate gunjanam ca vilokanan muhur asau sasram parikrosati no jane janayann apurva-natana-krida-camatkaritam balayah kila citta-bhumim avisat ko 'yam navina-grahah

Caitanya-caritamrita Antya 1.145

["Upon seeing peacock feathers in front of Her, this girl suddenly begins trembling. When She sometimes sees a necklace of gunja [small conchshells], She sheds tears and cries loudly. I do not know what kind of new ecstatic influence has entered the heart of this poor girl. It has imbued Her with the dancing attitude of a player creating wonderful, unprecedented dances on a stage."] Radharani became senseless on seeing a peacock feather. Why? She trembles as the air of this peacock feather goes past Her. She then said, “Krsna came nearby and caught Me!” She is scared. Her body color changed from yellow to blue. Radharani was very scared. Lalita and Visakha gently held Radharani from both sides and asked, “What happened? Why are You scared?” Radharani then pointed to a peacock feather shaking as a gust of wind blew. Lalita and Visakha asked, “Why are You scared?” Radharani replied, “He is hiding. He is coming to catch Me. It is good if He doesn’t come. Why is He hiding? Why is He making Me scared? I am now very afraid.” Radharani then looked at a gunja-mala. This was a presentation given by some sakhis. Radharani then saw the black spots on the red gunjas. Seeing them, Radharani said, “Krsna is hiding here. I don’t like Him here. Any black thing should not be brought near Me. I don’t have any desire to watch.” Radharani continuously weeps as She speaks these words. Her heart is melting as well. She said, “He is sending Me many things. But, He should remain at a distance from Me. He doesn’t understand My heart. Why is He teasing Me? Why doesn’t He come and meet Me? I am not qualified. Alas! I am useless.” Radharani then looks down and covering Her face, bitterly weeps. What could the sakhis do as they saw warm tears glide down Radharani’s face? The problem would worsen if Krsna were brought near Radharani. But, Radharani cannot tolerate a moment’s separation from Krsna. She is not happy. Anything that reminds Her of Krsna (uddipana) makes Her sadder. She is always tensed. Rupa Gosvami is explaining these moods of Srimati Radharani in front of Mahaprabhu. Mahaprabhu is Krsna Himself. But He never thought of how Radharani’s moods really were. He is God Himself. In Vraja-mandala, Krsna’s love is divided among His different associates in dasya, sakhya, vatsalya, and madhurya-rasa. His love is not always appointed. But in the Gambhira, He is only present with the sakhis and manjaris. Rupa Manjari is explaining every moment of Radharani’s separation. Then how was Mahaprabhu’s position? Mahaprabhu bitterly wept and experiencing intense pangs of separation, He rubbed His face on the wall and ran swiftly. He would also jump into the ocean. Sometimes, His body would extend to twenty-one meters in front of the Jagannatha temple. And sometimes, His body would contract like a tortoise. One by one, these waves of mahabhava would enter into Mahaprabhu’s heart. In Vraja-dhama, Krsna could not enter into Vraja-lila. But after listening to the sakhis and manjaris, He realized the position of Radharani. Sometimes, Mahaprabhu would dance non-stop.

sri krsna-virahe, radhikara dasa, ami to' sahite nari yugala-milana, sukhera karana, jivana chadite pari

Bhaktivinoda Thakura wrote these kirtanas after realizing all these moods in his heart. This was Mahaprabhu’s position. Now, the sakhis and manjaris couldn’t tolerate Krsna’s separation. On another side, they were unable to tolerate Radharani’s separation as well. The sakhis and manjaris told Radharani, “Please chant Krsna’s name once. Krsna will not remain at a distance.” This mood is very special. Radharani then said, “Oh Krsna, what is Your fault? I am not qualified. Why am I crying? Oh sakhis, I will no longer cry. I will leave this body now. But don’t burn My body; don’t throw it into water. Don’t bury it. Tie My body to a Tamala tree; then the air of My body will mix into the air. The fire of My body will mix into the fire. Then this air will cool Krsna when He is fanned. Then I will no longer have any problems. I will be with Him twenty four hours.” So, there is no solution to this vipralambha-bhava.

akarunyah krsno yadi mayi tavagah katham idam mudha ma rodir me kuru param imam uttara-krtim tamalasya skandhe vinihita-bhuja-vallarir iyam yatha vrndaranye ciram avicala tisthati tanuh

Caitanya-caritamrita Antya 1.146

[Srimati Radharani said to Her constant companion Visakha: "My dear friend, if Krsna is unkind to Me, there will be no need for you to cry, for it will not be due to any fault of yours. I shall then have to die, but afterwards please do one thing for Me: to observe My funeral ceremony, place My body with its arms embracing a tamala tree like creepers so that I may remain forever in Vrndavan undisturbed. That is My last request."]

raya kahe,--"kaha dekhi bhavera svabhava?" rupa kahe,--"aiche haya krsna-visayaka 'bhava"

Caitanya-caritamrita Antya 1.147

[Ramananda Raya inquired, "What are the characteristics of emotional love?" Rupa Gosvami replied, "This is the nature of emotional love for Krsna.] Ramananda Raya asked, “What is the mood of this bhava. What did the sakhis and manjaris do at that time? Can you please tell us?” Rupa Gosvami then quoted Radharani’s statements: “Krsna is very hard and cruel. Hey sakhi! Why am I crying? He is not kind to Me. He is kind to everyone else; but He is not kind to Me. I will never leave Vrndavana. Vrndavana is more helpful to Me. I will always stay in this Vrndavana. All the trees and creepers of Vrndavana are serving Krsna. Their moods and desires are only for Krsna’s happiness. But I have no flowers or fruits. Krsna likes these trees so much. He likes the grass as well. Why? They are always serving Him. I have nothing. How can I serve Him? Why will Krsna be pleased with Me? I have nothing. Therefore, Krsna is not cruel. He is not hard. He is kind to everyone. When He walks in the forest, the creepers offer their flowers to Him. The trees become ecstatic and shed many drops of honey. When Krsna touches any creeper, the creeper experiences many ecstatic symptoms. The trees and creepers have fruits and flowers. I have nothing. So, why will Krsna come near Me? Why will Krsna be pleased with Me? Why will He accept Me? I have nothing.” The sakhis try to speak many sweet words to Radharani. They tell Her, “Krsna loves You. Look, He has sent His Pitambara to You.” “Pitambara? Is this Krsna’s Pitambara?” Srimati Radharani asked. On touching the Pitambara, She cried even more. She said, “I am most unfortunate and useless! He has only sent His Pitambara. I touched His Pitambara, but is it not possible to touch Him?” The separation that Radharani felt was more painful. The sakhis also felt the heat of Radharani’s separation. What could they do? Visakha said, “Krsna is hiding inside the Pitambara. When You open the Pitambara, You will see that Krsna is here. Why are You crying? Krsna is present.” Radharani then became very shy. She said, “Am I disturbing anyone?” Her mood then changed. She said, “Krsna came?” She became very shy. She asked everyone, “Was I crying for Krsna?” It is possible for Krsna to touch Radharani? If He did so, then Radharani would experience much maan. She said, “Krsna should stay at a distance from Me.” One moment before, Radharani was crying so much. Her mood changed at the next moment. What could Krsna do? So, Mahaprabhu heard these waves of prema (prema-taranga) being explained by Rupa Gosvami. Rupa Gosvami wrote these moods in their fullest form. This is called Vidagdha-madhava. Radharani and Krsna are suffering from pangs of separation from one another. Rupa Gosvami then named his next composition as Lalita-madhava. This composition is very sweet. But Vidagdha-madhava describes the moods of separation between Radha and Krsna. But these moods of separation are sweeter. Srila Gurudeva spoke of this analogy many times: Sugarcane juice is very hot. But it is also very tasty when it is drunk. Yet, it burns. But will you stop tasting it even if it burns your tongue? No. You will continue drinking it even if you are suffering from its heat. You will not stop. This position makes many problems.

pidabhir nava-kala-kuta-katuta-garvasya nirvasano nisyandena mudam sudha-madhurimahankara-sankocanah prema sundari nanda-nandana-paro jagarti yasyantare jnayante sphutam asya vakra-madhuras tenaiva vikrantayah

Caitanya-caritamrita Antya 1.148

['My dear beautiful friend, if one develops love of Godhead, love of Krsna, the son of Nanda Maharaja, all the bitter and sweet influences of this love will manifest in one's heart. Such love of Godhead acts in two ways. The poisonous effects of love of Godhead defeat the severe and fresh poison of the serpent. Yet there is simultaneously transcendental bliss, which pours down and defeats the poisonous effects of a snake, as well as the happiness derived from pouring nectar on one's head. It is perceived as doubly effective, simultaneously poisonous and nectarean.']