Dāsa Gosvāmī prays, “O Rādhike, please do not be angry with me. You are the epitome of patience and tolerance. In this world, millions of people don’t follow or respect You. Still, You continuously help all living entities, but they do not think of You. You don’t reject them or stop nourishing them for even a second. If You did so, all the material and spiritual creation would be destroyed in an instant. You have unlimited patience and give everything to the living entities. I am full of faults. Please don’t look at them.“Please send Lalitā-devī. May she be kind to me and bring me before You, and then ask You to forgive me and bestow some service on this small Rati. I do not understand what is wrong and what is right. If You say, ‘Get out, never come near Me. You have no brain,’ then what will be my position? I don’t know the process of Your service, but I am very greedy for this.”Absorbed in his eternal form as Rati Mañjarī, Dāsa Gosvāmī prays to Śrīmatī Rādhārānī, “O Rādhike, I made a small mistake and therefore You have kicked me out of Your kuñja. Kṛṣṇa came and spoke to me, questioning me and enticing me to reply. I tried very hard to remain silent, but afterwards I could not constrain myself and I independently gave an answer to Him. Seeing me speaking with Kṛṣṇa outside the kuñja, You became angry. When I reentered the kuñja, You said, ‘Get out! Don’t come near me.’ Lalitā-devī saw me crying in a corner and brought me back to You. O Rādhe, my heart was broken when You sent me away angrily. I cannot express the magnitude of my sorrow and cannot find peace anywhere. I have no one in this world but You; I cannot leave You and go to anyone else. O Rādhe, I had no desire to speak with Kṛṣṇa, but what could I do…”Śrīla Gurudeva gave an example here. Once, Vallabhācārya instructed his dear disciple, “When Thakurji is given rest after the midday offering and artik go inside the temple altar and fan the Lord with eyes closed. If you hear someone saying anything, don’t give any answer or open your eyes.”The disciple followed his Gurudeva’s instruction. A short while after beginning to fan the Lord, the disciple heard someone saying, “Hey! Why are you fanning for so long with closed eyes? Open your eyes and look at Me!”When the disciple didn’t open his eyes or speak anything, the voice continued, “Speak something! You will fan Me, but won’t talk to Me, or look at Me? If you have so much daring to fan Me as I rest, then why won’t you speak to Me?”But the disciple remained firm to the order of his Gurudeva and remained fanning, while the Lord endeavored to make him speak. Outside, Gurudeva was waiting to see what happened.When the Deitie’s curtains were opened at four in the afternoon, Vallabhācārya asked his disciple, “Who was talking to you?”“Gurudeva, I followed your instruction and didn’t open my eyes. But someone was saying again and again, ‘Open your eyes and talk to Me.’”“You did well.”Śrīla Gurudeva gave this example when commenting on this verse of Vilāpa-kusumāñjali.Śrīla Gurudeva would further explain.Kṛṣṇa could not tolerate seeing Rādhārānī’s one-pointed beloved maidservant. She was so close to Rādhārānī, such an expert maidservant, and so beautiful, that Kṛṣṇa came and tried to converse with Rati Mañjarī, teasing her from behind, in front, and side-to-side. Rati Mañjarī remained firm and ignored Kṛṣṇa, and then He began teasing her, “O Svāminī’s beloved! O Svāminī’s nearest and dearest! There is no one dearer to Her than you. You know Her better than any other. You are so chaste! You don’t speak with anyone else or look at anyone. Oh! You are so proud. If anyone comes to you, you show them contempt and reject them.”Kṛṣṇa began teasing her like this more and more, until finally Rati Mañjarī’s resolve was broken and she strongly responded to Kṛṣṇa’s antics. This is called vaco-vegam.Rādhārānī had told Rati Mañjarī, “You are so close to Me, don’t allow any distance to come between us. Don’t speak or make relation with anyone.”Rādhārānī knew what had transpired. When Rati Mañjarī fearfully came to Rādhārānī, She reprimanded her, “Why did you give Him a moment of your time? Why did you show Him any affection by speaking with Him? Go! Never come near Me. Leave here at once!”Rati Mañjarī left in a state of devastation. She fell down in a corner outside the kuñja in despair, and within, Rādhārānī also lamented. When Rādhārānī could no longer tolerate being separated, Lalitā-devī brought Rati back to Rādhārānī. Then Lalitā said to Śrīmatījī, “Will You forgive her and look just once in her direction?”Dāsa Gosvāmī says, “You have patience and tolerance, please forgive me. What was my fault? Amidst a thousand things Kṛṣṇa said, I only gave a momentary reply and looked at Him for a moment from the corner of my eyes.”Those mañjarīs and sakhīs who are in Rādhārānī’s group have this difficulty. Rādhārānī is not pleased if they have relation with any other.In the first verse of Vilāpa-kusumāñjali, Rādhārānī gave indication for Kṛṣṇa to go to Rūpa, and Rādhārānī watched, ‘What will Rūpa do?’ Like if I told you, ‘Do this work.’ Then I will watch what you do, and if you do any error, I will correct you. What did Rūpa Mañjarī do? She ran away when Kṛṣṇa came to her. However, Rati Mañjarī spoke with Kṛṣṇa, therefore Rādhārānī became upset. If she had not spoken with Kṛṣṇa, then Rādhārānī would have been happy ten or twenty times more, and Kṛṣṇa as well.Kṛṣṇa also would be happier if Rati had completely ignored Him, and He would have teased her even more, embracing her from behind, kissing her neck and then saying, “Won’t you speak to Me?” Kṛṣṇa would fold His hands to her a thousand times if she completely ignored Him.This mood is essential. Therefore, from an externalperspective, Rūpa Gosvāmī instructed, ‘vaco-vegam’ for sādhakas, and for those in the highest position, this is applied to a much greater extent.Once, a policeman came and spoke with me while I was cutting vegetables in Mathurā, near the kitchen in Keśavajī Gauḍīya Maṭha. Śrīla Gurudeva was sitting in a chair on the other side of the temple courtyard. After watching me speak to the policeman for sometime, he began shouting, “Why are you talking so much? What is the need? Why do you have so much affection for this outside man?”The policeman became astonished, got up and left. There is a very strong bond between the servant and served. If one is someone’s svapakṣa, any slight deviation will not be tolerated, even if it is of no great significance.tavaivāsmi tavaivāsmi na jīvāmi tvayā vināiti vijñāya devi tvaṁ naya māṁ caraṇāntikamVilāpa-kusumāñjali 96I am Yours! I am Yours! I cannot live without You! O Devī, please understand this and bring me to Your lotus feet.“O Rādhike, You are my heart, my soul. Everything I possess is Yours. You have complete adhikāra over me. I am Yours, I am Yours! Without You, I cannot stay one moment in this world. Please, please, give me shelter at Your lotus feet. I desire nothing other than the shelter of Your lotus feet.”Tavaivāsmi tavaivāsmi means, “I offer myself to You, I am Yours. I don’t know anything without You. I am Yours, I am Yours, I cannot live without You.” Why is this repeated? Is once not enough? The first ‘I am Yours’ means, “Many mañjarīs are close to You. May they accept me, give me shelter, and a chance to serve You. I am poor, fallen, and full of faults, but please accept me.” The second ‘I am Yours’ means, “I am praying to Your senior authorities, the sakhīs. May they accept and teach me, not reject me. May they call me forward and give me a drop of their love, otherwise I am dry. How can I stay with You without any love and affection?”If there is no love and affection, then one
brahmacārī or devotee cannot remain following bhakti. He will be dry and suffering in māyā. If one devotee helps another, then devotion can grow in such a favorable environment. If a senior devotee nourishes junior devotees with his love and affection, the juniors’ devotion will become strong, and they will gradually become senior in bhakti, and will bestow love and affection to others and help them grow as well. This flow will then run on continuously.In this verse, Rati Mañjarī laments, “Aho! Devī, I have no one else in this world other than You! I am only Yours! I am only Yours! I cannot live without You for a single moment! Please bestow the shelter of Your lotus feet. I cannot go to any other, look at any other, nor have any dealing or connection with any other. I am Yours alone, Yours alone, Yours alone!”“What is the need to promise so many times?” Śrīmatījī asks.“If I spoke with anyone,” Rati replies, “it wasn’t for my own happiness. If anyone asks about You, then I feel the need to speak for Your sake. And if I don’t answer, then He teases me, ‘O stubborn one! O exalted arrogant maidservant of Your proud mistress. You are so exalted that you can’t spare me even a moment to speak.’ Then, when I said a few words, You became angered. I tell You sincerely that I am Yours, I am Yours, I am Yours! I cannot live another minute without You. Please give me shelter at Your feet. You are the reason I am living. Not seeing Your lotus feet, I cannot survive for even a moment. Please give me place at Your feet and don’t make me separate from You for even a moment.“Lalitā-devī is extremely dear to You, I am not so dear to You as she is. I made a mistake, but Lalitā-devi is very close to You. Please listen to Her request and accept me back in Your good graces. Don’t keep me away from You.”Now Rati Mañjarī prays to Lalitā-devī, “Please, by any means, remove Svāminī’s māna. If you can’t do this great task, who will I go to for shelter? And only having Her speak to me again is not enough; may She grant me Her intimate service. Otherwise, if She shrugs and says, ‘Okay, I forgave her, no problem,’ but doesn’t give me service again, keeping me at a distance, then what will be my position? Please petition Her on my behalf. If She doesn’t give me Her intimate service, I will die.”Dāsa Gosvāmī was in the highest state of separation in his sādhaka form. Even in mānasī-sevā, one cannot be deviated in service and dedication to one’s worshipable beloved.Once, one thirsty man came to the cottage of Lokanātha dāsa Gosvāmī and asked for water. Receiving no answer, He next went to the kuṭīra of Narottama dāsa Ṭhākura and begged for water. When Narottama dāsa Ṭhākura gave water to this thirsty man, Lokanātha dāsa Gosvāmī became upset and said, “Leave this place! If you want to serve others, then there is no need to stay here. You have no desire for bhajana. Go and serve others.” It was Kṛṣṇa who had come. There were many homes nearby in the village, why would anyone come to a Bābājī’s kuṭīra for water? Anyone could go drink water from a well. Why would one come and beg for a glass of water from Bābājīs? But Kṛṣṇa came to test Narottama, knowing, “He is on Rādhārānī’s side. Let me see what he does.”When Lokanātha dāsa Gosvāmī saw that Narottama dāsa Ṭhākura had some softness towards Kṛṣṇa, that he had become a little favorable to Kṛṣṇa, he said, “Go serve Him and His followers.”The situation is perilous for those solely dedicated to Rādhārānī. If they go a little to one side or another, then She has great māna. Breaking that māna is not easy.sva-kuṇḍaṁ tava lolākṣi sa-priyāyāḥsad aspadamatraiva mama samvāsa ihaiva mama saṁsthitiḥVilāpa-kusumāñjali 97O restless-eyed one, Your lake is the eternal dwelling-place of You and Your beloved. Here only will I reside and here alone will I stay.Dāsa Gosvāmī says, “Rādhā-kuṇḍa is extremely dear to You. Inside this kuṇḍa there is not only water, rather the mellows of all Your love are present here. All the sakhīs’ and mañjarīs’ love is present here as well. I stay on the bank of Your Rādhā-kuṇḍa without any qualification, but my eyes search in all directions to see from which way You are coming. The mañjarīs and sakhīs will call me and show me the pathway to Your lotus feet in a secluded grove. They will give me permission to reside here eternally.”Srimati may then say, “Why are you distressed? You are already living here at Radha kunda, performing bhajana. What problem do you have?”“No, no, no, I have this body now. Gaurahari offered me to His near and dear Svarūpa Dāmodara, who sent me here to Rādhā-kuṇḍa. But now this body is very old. Soon it will leave me.”“Are you sad because of this?”“No, no, no, I am not sad or afraid of leaving my body, but I want to permanently serve You in the form of a mañjarī. Please give this to me. Don’t give me a big rich post or make me wealthy and healthy and send me far away.”Dāsa Gosvāmī prays, “May I have eternal residence here at Radha kunda.” What is the meaning? This means, “I will serve You while You engage in intimate pastimes with Kṛṣṇa, ready to do anything needed. I will fan You, massage Your lotus feet, and make Your bed. I will stay here for all services, not going anywhere.”Dāsa Gosvāmī next prays, “I am staying here, but I am unqualified. Yet, You are searching for me, ‘Where is Rati? Where did she go?’ Then I say, ‘I am here, with You. Don’t worry. Why are You looking at me with restless eyes? Wherever Kṛṣṇa is present, I will bring Him to Your kuñja by any ploy. I know how to catch Him. But if I speak with Kṛṣṇa to bring Him back, will You be angered? I will teach Him how to break Your māna, but for this, please don’t become upset with me.“You engage in loving pastimes with Kṛṣṇa at Rādhā-kuṇḍa. May I reside here eternally. If I am always present, I can assist Him in pleasing You. I do not want to leave this service for any other engagement.” (click on the Title to read the full post)